Peacemaking Women Ch. 4

We have now entered the next section of the book which focuses on conflicts with others. This chapter is one that I could easily write 3 or 4 different posts on, but I won't. I started reading this chapter a while ago and have been thinking a lot about what it says and how to write a post about it. I will start by saying the title of this chapter is "Biblical Peacemaking". This chapter is probably the one that you all have been waiting to hear about when I mentioned the book was about peacemaking. It focuses on how to make peace with others through: 1) Biblical theology of Peacemaking, 2) Confession, 3) Sinning vs Offending and 4) The 4 promises of forgiveness.

There is so much that I could say on these topics, and how this chapter has impacted my life that it is hard to figure out where to start writing. For those of you who know us well, you know that we have undergone many trails and conflicts in the past year. Jacob and I have had conflicts with each other, family, students at seminary, church family and work. I think the best way to share this chapter with all of you is to list some highlights from the book that have stood out to me and made me think and pray harder about our past conflicts and current conflicts.

A) Biblical Theology (what we should be doing during conflict) (Peacemaking Women)
             1. Glorify God- how can I please and honor God in this situation
             2. Get the log out of your own eye- how can i show Jesus' work in me by taking responsibility for my contribution to the conflict?
             3. Gently Restore: How can I lovingly serve others by helping them take responsibility for their contribution to this conflict?
             4. Go and be reconciled: How can I demonstrate the forgiveness of God and encourage a reasonable solution to this conflict?

I think that all four of these guidelines are hard to follow but the hardest for me is getting the log out of my own eye. In recent conflicts I have tried to Glorify God but have not also looked at my responsibility for the conflict and instead have blamed it on others. Gently restoring someone to help show them their part in the conflict is one that I have not tried to do and honestly am scared to do. I think in order to gently restore the other person your relationship must be well enough that you won't cause offense. Go and be reconciled is the goal I have during conflicts and one that usually happens but not necessarily in a God honoring way.

B) Confession (the 7 A's of confession according to Peacemaking Women)
     1. Address everyone involved
     2. Avoid if, but, and maybe
     3. Admit specifically
     4. Acknowledge the hurt
     5. Accept the consequences
     6. Alter your behavior
     7. Ask for forgivness

C)Sinning Vs. Offending
    Sometimes we can have conflict with others that are based on offenses and not on sinning. For example, doing the dishes is not a sin but by doing the dishes you might have unintentionally offended your spouse.

D) Reconciliation
     Reconciliation is in my opinion one of the hardest parts of conflicts. In order to truly be reconciled with someone you have to completely forgive them for what they have done and NOT bring it up in the future. We must forget this pain and hurt they have caused and NEVER bring it up again in the realtionship. This is something that is hard for me to do. It is so easy to remember all the "bad" things people have done to you, even those that you have "forgiven". But we need to remember that Christ forgives ALL OUR SINS and NEVER brings them back into account. So we need to be like Christ and forgive the sins of others and let them lie in the past. To be truly reconciled and move forward in a relationship both side must agree to not bring up past grievances.

These are just some of my thoughts attributed to the main points that are outlined in ch. 4 of Peacemaking Women. I recommend that everyone go out and read this book, as there is SOOOO much more information and helpful advice then I could write in this blog.

I am going to try to continue blogging as I read this book, but I am now 36 weeks in my pregnancy and little Alethea could come at any time. So I apologize in advance is I am not able to continue with this series, or it takes me a long time to post.

PeaceMaking Women Ch. 3

The next chapter in this book that I thought I should write about is chapter 3, which is about suffering. I thought long and hard about whether I should write a post about suffering since I don't feel like this chapter is currently relevant in my life.  Although I don't feel like this is currently relevant, I have been through suffering in my life and know I will be again. There was one line that really stuck out at me in this chapter that I wanted to share with everyone.

Let me preface this by saying that although we have had struggles recently with the gestational diabetes, I have never considered this to be suffering.The women who wrote this quote was dealing with her husband battling cancer and not knowing if he would survive or not.


"God is writing the letter of my husbands life. The doctors are just opening the envelope and reading me the message." (Peacemaking Women)

I think this message is relevant in everyone's life whether you are suffering or not. We all worry and fear and this message that God already knows whats going to happen is very comforting to me. We shouldn't be scared of what a doctor might say (something I have been known to be lately) but instead need to rest in the assurance that God already knows what the doctor will say and has a plan for our life.

Last Baby Shower

This past Monday I went to my second and last baby shower before Alethea is born. I was shocked when asked what date would work best for a baby shower here in St. Louis. I wasn't expecting to have another shower since we have only lived here a short time. I was approached by our elders wife in August and told that it is tradition for the elders wives to give a baby shower for the members of their fold and she wanted to host one for me. Jacob and I were thrilled! I couldn't believe that there would be women at our church that would want to come to my baby shower. Being new to the area I didn't think we would have such a welcome.
Well, the shower was Monday night and I couldn't feel more blessed. There were over 20 women there, some of who I had met only once, some who I knew fairly well and many whom I had never met before.  I was shocked and have been overwhelmed with all the support we have here in St. Louis. I know we have a TON of support back home and am so thankful for everyone, and now it is nice to know that there are also a local body of people who care about us and our child as well. We are so thankful for everyone here, the support and love we have received from our congregation and feel that we are blessed far beyond what we deserve.  Please enjoy some pictures from the shower! Again Thank you to everyone!!

Pregnancy Update

Current Situation:
For those of you who have read my last post, I stated that I was having difficulties in my pregnancy. Jacob and I discussed long and hard whether I should post a blog about this or just keep it private. We recently decided that we would let everyone know what was going on now rather than wait for our next newsletter and ask for your prayers on this issue. Let me start by saying that although this is considered a complication it is NOT a huge deal and should have no long term impact on the baby if we keep it controlled.

About a week ago, Jacob and I found out that I have gestational diabetes. From what we have been told this means that little Alethea could be not so little when she is born. My body is not able to make enough insulin to support my growing placenta which requires me to be on a strict diet and tracking my blood 4 times a day. If uncontrolled the risk is that Alethea could be 10lbs (or larger) and too big to deliver vaginally and also be born with sugar in her body that she can not process herself. Again, there are NO long terms affects of this.

We have prayed about this and are at peace with what we have to do, but it is still difficult. One of the biggest difficulties has been the unknown and quick changes that have occurred. I took the 3 hour glucose test on Thursday (September 1), found out I had diabetes on Friday and was signed up for the diabetes class on Wednesday. After attending the 3.5 hr class at the perinatal center (high risk pregnancy center at the hospital) I was given a new diet (approved by a dietitian) and regulations as to what my sugar numbers should be. After the weekend of testing we found out that I would need to be on medicine to regulate some of my numbers. Again this is not a big deal, but being (almost) 34 weeks pregnant this was all an emotional roller coaster. Although I had made peace with having GD (gestational diabetes) finding out that I couldn't control it and would have to be medicated has been really hard for me to handle. I have been having the typical emotional ups and downs of pregnancy lately and this just made it a little bit worse. Things have been going well for all of us, just a little hard with all the unknowns.

What the Future Holds:
- weekly appointments with my OBGYN (normal for this far along in the pregnancy)
- bi-weekly (or 3 times week) appointments at the perinatal center for fetal monitoring
- more detailed monitoring of Alethea's size and weight
                 -if Alethea becomes too big, too small, or is having trouble then I will be induced early
                -Most likely will NOT go past 39 weeks and will be induced
-Should still be able to have a vaginal delivery but there is an increased chance that I will have a c-section

Wednesday will be my first day of fetal monitoring, which I am starting to get excited about. Of course it will be a pain to drive 20mins each way to the hospital and be monitored for 30+ minutes, but I will get to hear our baby! We meet with the high risks doctors early next week and should know a little bit more then but most likely we will only know things day by day as I attend appointments. We will make sure to keep everyone updated. Jacob and I would ask for your prayers that we are able to control Alethea's weight and carry her as long as I can. I am now considered to be high risk so we ask for prayers for Alethea's and mines health and safety throughout the rest of the pregnancy.  Feel free to ask any questions and we will share with you what we know. Thank you for all your prayers and support.

Peacmaking Women Ch. 1

The first chapter of this book is an introduction to theology. “Introduction to theology,” I thought, why in the world do I need to read this. Over the years of knowing Jacob I have learned “everything” I ever wanted to know about theology, but I read the chapter anyways. Thankfully this chapter wasn’t like the other theology books that I have read. It didn’t focus on major theological terms ie. justification and sanctification, although they were mentioned.

Nothing we can do will make God love us more. Something I do everyday when Jacob gets home is tell him how my day went. Now this might seem normal, but “my day” usually consists of my listing off the things I got done around the house and explaining why I didn’t get certain things done. I am continually trying to justify the work I do and do not do around the house to my husband. I want him to be proud of me and see a benefit of me staying home, so I feel like I must convince him that I am working while at home. Now I can’t speak for everyone, but I would assume that somewhere inside all of us is that need/want to be accepted and praised for our work as well as the thought “if only I do ____ he will love me more.” Something along those lines is the underlying reason I feel the need to qualify what I have done. Although not obvious at first to me, after much digging I realized that I tell Jacob everything I did that day and why I didn’t do certain things because I think he will love me more when I DO chores. 

Many people live and believe this is how God's love works. We think that if we could just do enough _____ then God will love us more and we will be accepted in His eyes. What we forget is that this is not how God's love works. He sent his son, Jesus to save us from our sins to save us from having to DO everything right to gain God's love and acceptance. We are loved by God  NO MATTER what we do or don't do. God does not require us to have a spotless house, clean laundry, perfect hair and body, or well behaved kids all the time. He knows we are sinners and that we are NOT perfect. He knows that we will fail and can not live up to his expectations, and that is why He sent his Son to die for us and save us. Through Christ's death and resurrection we are becoming saints everyday while still being sinners. God sees us through Christ and loves us NO MATTER what we do. 

One of the lines in this chapter that really stuck out to me was "God loves me because I'm His". Jacob loves me because I am his. I love my daughter because she is mine. There is no other reason that I love this baby growing inside me other than the fact that she is our daughter. She belongs to me, just like I belong to Christ.  I belong to Christ and that's why I am loved. Hearing that God loves me just because I'm His is so reassuring. I have always known that I am loved because I believe in Christ and am God's daughter but its nice to hear it every once and a while.

Jacob and I have been going through some difficulties with this pregnancy lately and this is something I really needed to hear. Although I trust God and know this is all in His plan, it is hard to let go of control and not think that maybe if i do _____ then God will make this better. Maybe God will change the circumstances that we are in right now, but he won't do it because of something I do. He will do it because it is in His plan. No matter what happens I need to trust God and remember that I am HIS daughter and there is nothing I can do to loose His love.

New Series!

Over the past few weeks I have been praying and thinking about starting a series on our blog. The only other "series" I have done is updates on our baby so I was not sure if this was something I wanted to do. After much prayer and discussion with Jacob, we decided this would be a good thing for me to do. It will help me to become more disciplined with writing on the blog and also reach out to other topics that are impacting me individually and us as a family.  So I have no fancy name for the new series but it will focus on the book "Peace Making Women" written by Tara Klena Barthel and Judy Dabler. My hope is that this will not be a book review but instead will explain a little about what the book says but focus on how this applies to my life.
My goal for myself is to write a post on every chapter where I have been impacted. This might be every chapter or only 4 chapters, so i'm not sure if a new post will happen every week or every other week. These posts will also serve as a reflection for myself about what I am learning, favorite quotes and practice application.

So to start, here is a bit of information about the book.
Peace Making Women focuses on threes areas of conflict in our lives where we need peace. My first experience with this book was during summer Sunday School at our church. Our church had divided men and women into different studies with women focusing on this book. I was only able to attend the last 2 sessions but was so impacted b those that I knew I needed to do this. Everyone experiences disagreements, hurt, pain, anger and worry in their life and these are all feelings the book covers. Individually we may experience these differently and to different degrees but none the less we ALL experience these. This book focuses on three areas in our lives where conflict occurs; Conflict with God. Conflict with Others, and Conflict within yourself.  As I have been reading through the book I have noticed conflict within all three of these areas in my own life which I was not aware of.  The next post will focus on the first section "conflict with God", and the impact on my life. Stay Tuned.